By Arik Seidenglanz
May 6th
Oh boy, oh boy, here we spin, caught in the whirlwind of a tale more twisted than a back alley in old Venice, the drama unfolds! Picture this: a sunny-side-up nightmare where Scientology, that enigmatic beast, has seemingly morphed into a real estate shark, chomping down on properties like they’re morning toast. But not just a nibble here and there—no, sir. We’re talking a full-on feast, gorging on houses from unsuspecting folks through a convoluted dance of mortgage fraud tied up with shady lenders, wrists and consciences equally unclean, part of the in-crowd, maybe even swinging their feet under the same dinner table.

Here’s the screenplay: imagine a couple, innocently dreaming in their humble abode, suddenly caught in a spider web spun with legal jargon and slick sales pitches. Scientology partners up with the usual suspects, those lender cronies, slapping loans on properties like aggressive high-fives, loans that balloon up to 110% of the home’s value! And what’s the encore? A grand remodeling show, where they gut the place as if preparing a stage for a Greek tragedy. Pipes, walls, dreams—stripped down to their bare bones.

Now, amid the chaos, the plot thickens like LA smog: fraudulent permits waved around like victory flags, all tied to an APN that might as well be a figment of collective imagination. The house, caught in the grip of the Ellis Act, struggles under constraints tighter than a noir hero’s budget, while the land whispers tales of restrictions and past dramas.

Fast forward, and the interior’s a barren wasteland, a stark contrast to its former lived-in warmth. The villains? They've vanished, leaving behind a legacy of asbestos and debris, the air heavy with the dust of their retreat. A lien looms like a storm cloud, pregnant with consequences for the environment, for the very soil that once cradled tulips in the garden.

The weight of injustice, heavy as 200,000 pounds of Venetian plaster, seems set to crush the spirits of our protagonists. But hark! A twist in the tale: the City of Los Angeles, that sprawling behemoth of bureaucracy, might just step into the light, donning the cape of a hero ready to settle scores and right wrongs.

So as our couple stands amid the ruins of what was once a sanctuary, they pin their hopes on a city’s potential chivalry. Maybe, just maybe, Los Angeles will turn the tide, making peace with its own, and in doing so, offer a flicker of justice in a narrative too wild to be anything but real life. Let’s tune in, keep our eyes peeled for the next act, because in this city of angels and demons, anything’s possible and nothing’s quite as it seems.